Still Breathing
by JustAGirlInACoffeeShop
Summary: Addie and Derek. From the time where Addie comes to Seattle and Derek wants to try on their marriage. Something happens that maybe allows them to survive as a couple. AU.
1. Chapter 1

_So, this is my first story. It's about Addie and Derek. I love them. I hope you all like the story, it just was something that popped into my head. Well, here goes nothing. WIthout further ado, I present to you: _

**Still Breathing**

"Ouch!" Addison yelped suddenly while talking to Calliope Torres, her only friend here in Seattle. "Stop poking me Callie!"

"I'm not poking you!"

"Oh…" The pain subsided quickly so she thought nothing of it.

"Are you okay?" Callie asked with worry.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I have a consult with Derek in five. And look, there he is. I'll see you for lunch later Callie."

"Bye."

Walking down the white-washed hallways of the hospital, Addison felt a shooting pain in her stomach and side. She surprised a strained yelp by laughing and laid her hand on the person who stood next to her- just noticing it was Derek. He stared at her with a look of distaste mixed with surprise yet she still didn't remove her hand. She whispered in his ear that she couldn't stand. Derek thought that she was just joking and shrugged off her hand.

"Addison!" Derek shouted worriedly as she nearly lost her footing and hung onto him for what seemed like dear life.

"I need you to put your arm around me, " she hissed and he automatically and awkwardly did so, ignoring the gawking glances of the nurses by the nurses station and the interns trailing them.

He felt her slipping and wrapped both his arms around her. This was the closest they'd been for a long time, Addison mused, almost relaxing when she gasped in pain once again. This time her husband actually looked concerned because he knew that Addison never gasped in pain. She never even let on that she was hurt. There was a time in New York when she tripped on a sidewalk and scraped her knee bloody and even though she was wearing five-inch heels, she wouldn't even let him help her up. His thoughts were broken by another gasp masked into a giggle. It was as though she would crumble if not for his arm holding her steady. That wasn't Addie, Addie would never let him help. He knew Addison was truly hurt.

"Derek" the strained voice cried, tears crawling down her beautiful face.

Her husband lifted her into his arms and she buried her face into his chest. The interns following now whispered anxiously amongst themselves, all trying to block Meredith from the view. Nevertheless, she saw and sighed, walking off with Christina to the locker rooms.

Derek noticed and was about to explain when interrupted by Chief Webber yelling, "What the hell are you two doing?! My head of neuro CARRYING my head of neonatal in MY H-"

His rant was interrupted by another gasp of pain from Addison, "SHEPHARD- WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?" Derek was already sprinting across the hall to the nearest exam room with addison writhing in pain.

He gently set his wife on the exam room table, not wanting to hurt her more, and switched on the CT. "GET BAILEY AND TORRES NOW!" he shouted to nurses, then added, " NO INTERNS OR OTHER RESIDENTS. "

"Addie.." he whispered… no response… he brushed back the strawberry red locks that turned golden under the lights and revealed two bright green eyes that now had a look of panic. " Derek wrapped his hand around hers and squeezed lightly as if to tell her that he would be here, "Addie, " he said again, "it's going to be okay. You are okay" She whimpered quietly and welcomed his embrace.

"SHEPHARD! What did you do!" Bailey exclaimed as she saw Addison lying on the table in pain. "Where's the CT?"she asked in a gentler voice once she saw the look of extreme worry in his eyes

**End of Chapter 1**

_Hey guys, so basically that was my opener. I realize it is a bit short but the rest of the chapters are long. I updated so that the 2, 3, 4th chapters were combined. Same content, different length. It was just too much trouble to go through 3 pages for like a total of 1, 400 words. _**  
**

_Reviews!_

_Love, _

_Shannon_


	2. Chapter 2

_So, I love long stories and all that. But, I decided that I didn't want to make this one too long. It takes so long to write. But, ideas like this are good. I guess. Here goes chapter two_

**Chapter 2**

Addison thought she would never feel his embrace again. Not the cold, half-hearted one she got used to over these past years, but the passionate, loving, caring one she knew from when they were engages and newlyweds. She couldn't believe it and she never wanted to wake up from the dream. When she felt she could keep her eyes closed for no longer because of the burning desire to know if that embrace was real or a figment of her imagination. Finally, her eyes fluttered open and sure enough, no one was next to her and she sighed and snored. "Wait, I don't snore" she though. Slowly, Addison turned her head in the other direction and there he was, her prince in shining armor. Tenderly, she lifted her arm to stroke his face, the ruffly beard surprised her but nevertheless it was still Derek under all that "Seattle-ickyness." A sharp pain shooting down her side momentarily shocked her and the nausea afterward made her regret moving. It was then that she remembered why she was there. She writhed in pain, trying not to disturb the sleeping figure next to her. But they were synchronized, Derek woke up and immediately knew something was wrong "Shh… Addie, Addie… Look at me. " She turned her head and he cringed at the look of pain he saw in her eyes. Addison tried, she really did, to look happy and hopeful and move her body closer to his, but everytime she inched closer, her whole body felt as though ripped apart. All she could do was stare into his stormy eyes.

"Addie, where does it hurt?" he embraced her again, stroking her flowing red hear. "Addie, breathe. I'm here. You're okay."

"Stomach, chest,"she whispered, tears running down her face. "Derek," she coughed violently, "Derek"

"Addie, Don't give up. I need to get Bailey. She'll know what to do."

"No, "she said suddenly and immediately regretted it as a fresh pain attacked her side. "Derek, stay." She hated that voice that came out of her mouth. She was strong. Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery doesn't sound desperate.

In his strong arms, she drifted off into a fitful sleep. A dream filled void of anger, death, and sadness. Slowly, Derek disentangled himself from the red fiery hair, noticing some white ends peeking through like a lone cloud in the sky of blue. Looking closer at her face, the worry lines that he used to tease her about were so much deeper. How much pain did I cause her? He wondered. Staring through the windows, he saw Miranda Bailey rushing through. Quickly, he slipped out of the room, pausing to kiss Addison on the forehead and shouted after the running surgeon.

"Miranda? Miranda!" she turned sharply.

"Shepherd! What do you want? I'm in the middle of an emergency!"

"What is wrong with Addie?" he pleaded to know.

"You know that I don't know yet. She will be fine. You know that." Seeing the worry creased into her friend's face, that was the only answer she could give him.

"No, I don't." Derek shouted angrily. "No, I don't!" His unbreakable act was finally cracking.

"Go take care of her. I will tell you the results when I get them." She said reassuringly.

Sighing, Derek turned around and reluctantly turned the handle to the gloomy hospital room. Someone called his name "Derek!"

"Meredith." He breathed, "I am so sorry."

"Derek, I get it. You have to go. But please, don't ever leave her again. Don't you dare hurt her."

"Meredith. "

"I don't want to hear it. You don't get to walk away this time. She's your wife. And she is sick. Remember? In sickness and in health. You will not leave her. You love her. I know you do."

"She needs me. I know that. But, Meredith, I love you too. "

"No. I don't love you anymore and all you want is the chase. Go abck to your wife. You love her. Don't ever forget that. Bye Derek. "Without looking back, she turned and left."

"Bye Meredith," Sighing, he entered his wife's room to find her on the floor clutching her stomach with one hand and reaching for her five inch heels with the other.

"Addison! Addie!" he sprinted to her side and lifted her in to his embrace onto the bed. "Are you okay? Why were you out of the bed?"

"Derek, I'm okay," her teeth clenched. "Put me down, Derek. 'Her voice wavered as her hand flew to her side. "Please, stop, let me go." Once again, her voice sounded desperate and sad and she loathed the sound.

"Addie," he cradled her further. "No, I will never let you go again."

"Stop it," her resolve wavered. It was much more comfortable in his embrace. But still, she tried to free herself but the pains in her side made her weaker and unable to free herself from Derek's strong embrace. "You love Meredith. I heard you say it. You will let me go."

"I don't love her. Addison, look at me." She looked away knowing that once she saw his eyes, she wouldn't be able to resist. "Addie, Look at me." Her resolve weakened and she stared into his sad eyes. "I love you. I love you so much." Derek covered his small hand protecting her stomach with her larger one. "Let me love you Addie."

Dryly, she stated, "I can't make you leave because I can barely move. But you will leave because you love me and I trust you," she felt faint, but she needed to finish. Closing her eyes, she said, "I trust you to respect me and leave me alone. I don't love you." Although Derek was stung by her words, he didn't budge. He loved her and would never let her go again.

"Addison!" Derek exclaimed as her body fell limp in his arms. "Oh my God, Addison!" he checked her pulse and was relieved that it was still there. She was just asleep. Slowly, he lowered her small frame into the bed and pulled the plain white sheets over her body. Then, he crawled into the other side of the bed to wrap her cold body in his warm embrace. She felt so thin, so frail. Derek was so afraid to hurt her. He kissed her lips saying, "I love you Addie. I will always love you." She was asleep, but it didn't matter.

Miranda Bailey saw the two wrapped in each others arms and sat down next to the door. "Might as well give them some time to be with each other before I destroy their worlds." Finally, she decided it was time and her head poked through the door. She wasn't smiling so Derek knew something was wrong.

"Derek. She's not okay. I am so sorry."

In the x-ray room, Callie was talking to Miranda about their friends.

"Derek is 'processing'," Calliope Torres thought making imaginary airquotes. "What is this madness. His wife needs him."

"Hey, I don't judge, " Bailey lectured,"He needs his time, I mean Addison will need to be able to lean on him, I guess it is better that he take a breather now rather than during treatment…"

"I guess you're right, when should we tell her?"

"When she wakes up." Bailey said certainly.

"No, we will let Derek tell her. She needs to hear from him."

"Fine. I have a surgery. Page me when he comes back."

"Okay." Callie sighed, her new best friend was sick and it wasn't even something she could help with. Slowly, she stood up from the chair in the x-ray room and tiptoes across the hall. Through the window, she saw the sleeping body of her friend. Quietly, she slipped through the dull hospital door and sat on the chair near her bed. "Oh Addie." She sighed and held her friend's hand.

Callie forgot the time. She sat in silence, talking telepathically with her unconscious friend. Suddenly, light flooded through the room revealing a panting Mark Sloan.

"I just heard that she was hurt, " he recalled to Callie, "I had to hear from a gossiping nurse for gods sake." He turned to the figure on the bed. "Oh my God, Addie," he whispered. Callie thought he looked so scared. "Addie," Mark reached to hold her hand.

"Mark, stop. Let her sleep. If she wakes up, she'll be in pain."

"Callie, what happened? Whose ass do I have to kick?"

"No. no one's ass. Mark, she has cancer," Callie whispered into Mark's ear.

"Oh my god, no. No, she doesn't have cancer. She can't have cancer," Mark was in denial. "Where the hell is shepherd?"

"I went outside to get something for her," Callie lied; she knew if she told Mark that Derek went to process he would mortally harm Derek.

"I have a surgery. Callie, you will page me when he's back. You will," he commanded.

**End of ch2**

_Do you think Addie gave up too quickly? I read it over and maybe. Oh my god. One review already. I'm so psyched. haha. You all must be thinking these are too short. Reviews?_

_Love, _

_Shannon _


	3. Chapter 3

_Well, here's the next chapter. It is obviously longer than the previous ones, so I hope you like it_! _Here goes nothing:)_

_**Chapter 3**_

He didn't go to process. No, he went to buy saltine crackers and ginger ale. He remembered the water Addie likes, Voss, and even though he though it was like drinking money he still bought more than a years supply. He went through the little trailer and washed all her comfortable clothes so that they were super hot and steamy, the way she liked it. Derek used to think of himself as a good husband and just then, he realized that he was anything but. He wanted to become someone Addison could depend on again.

BY the time he walked into the hospital again, it was almost dusk. Addison had just woken up to a sleeping Callie by her side. She looked around curiously for Derek, wondering if he stayed. Although she asked him, first and only love to leave, she didn't expect him to follow directions. Slowly regaining consciousness, she felt another spark of pain and remembered why she was here. This time, she knew it was more than a simple appendectomy or something small; it was serious and Derek wasn't there to support her. Tears slowly made their rivers down her face as the pain increased and the realization that she would have no one left hit her. Looking towards the window as the shield herself from Callie's sleeping figure's prying eyes, she saw her husband staring at her with those stormy eyes full of worry.

"Derek, I thought I told you to go away and never come back," Addison whispered with the cold Forbes-Montgomery signature stare and hard voice.

"Addie, I thought I told you I would never go," he was the only one able to see right through that act. Her voice wavered a little and her gorgeous blue-green eyes were glassy as Derek stepped forward and reached across the bed to embrace her. Addison shrunk back from his welcome arms, not wanting to have her heart-broken again by the same man. He tried again, "Addie, I love you and only you. You know that. I'm sorry about before. I love you."

She still shook her head vigorously and backed away, "Derek, I can't afford to throw myself away for you anymore. I love you, but you hurt me way too much for me to forgive you again." Now her eyes had tears in them and the hand on her stomach tightened. Derek wasn't sure whether the angry tears were directed to him or the pain in her abdomen. Seeing her like this, torn, scared, and sad made his heart-break.

He persisted, "Addie, It's time for me to throw myself away for you. I promise I will never hurt you again." This time he caught her in his embrace and felt her fighting him.

"No, Derek, Stop," She pushed against his strong arms with no avail.

"Addie, I love you,, let me love you. Please." Derek pleaded.

"Derek," she sighed, "I love you too." She burst out crying in his arms then snuggled closer to his chest.

He played with her fiery hair and whispered comforting words, "It's okay to be okay. We're together now. We're Addie and Derek."

"Well, well, well," Callie said, "Look what we have here."

They had manages to forget Callie's presence in the room. "So, you slept through five minutes of fighting only to wake up when we got back together." Addie chortled at the thought. They all burst into laughter.

After the merriment had died down, Addison finally broke the silence by asking, "Now you guys ought to tell me what's wrong with me." Judging by the silence with which it was received, they weren't telling her something big. "Come on guys, I'm the patient, I should know.

At that moment, Miranda Bailey was strolling through the halls, boasting her miraculous save. She stopped by her friend's room and saw them laughing happily, they obviously had not told her yet. She sighed audibly and went to check Addison's chart. Slowly, she scanned the results again and noticed a glaring fact staring back at her. "Oh my god, shit." She saw the new development and charged into the room.

"I need to retake your blood, I think something is wrong with the previous one." She saw all the faces in the room lift up. "I'm not giving any false hope. It might be worse."

"Miranda, what in the world is wrong with me. They are being stubborn and refusing to tell me."

"Addie," Derek sighed, "wait until we get this second test. Miranda, please use your super powers and make it all better." He was begging now.

Derek doesn't beg, Addison thought. She then wondered what had transpired to make him so worried, but she felt so tired. I am a doctor; I know this, Addison thought again. In the weeks here she had felt nausea, fatigue, constant headaches, stomach pain, spotting, and loss of appetite. It was easy, she was either pregnant or she didn't even want to think of the alternatives. Falling asleep thinking of a little Christopher and a little Ella, she was in love already.

Derek continued stroking her hair, watching her sleep peacefully. Callie broke the silence reluctantly, seeing the love between the husband and wife, "You know you are going to have to tell her soon. We know Miranda took the new blood test because something else might be wrong."

"Callie, I'm trying to hope for more. I need more time with her. She can't just die, she can't." A tear escaped form the corner of his eye as he buried his face into her hair.

"Derek Shepherd! You do not give up on her. She will survive this. She has too. We all need her to be the glue that holds us together." She paused, "We all know you guys as McDreamy and Satan, but it is time for you to become Addison and Derek again."

Mark Sloan was watching this scene through the glass windows outside Addie's room. Sometimes Mark Sloan really wished that he were Derek Shepherd. There were times in elementary school when Derek's mom would always pack Derek Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches when his mom left him to create his own lunch. Another time in high school, Derek had a girlfriend for the whole four years while he picked up a new girl every week. Although he loved his lifestyle there were times when Derek's life seemed so much more stable and better. This was one of those times; all he could think of was the joy of stroke Addison's hair, comforting her when she was in pain, being her rock. He had his chance, but he had lost it by sleeping with that random nurse; if only he had been in the right mind, he would have had a child, a wife, and the fairytale life. The fairytale life was now out of reach for him, so he at least wanted his best friends back; they were the only remnants of his dream. Maybe even he, the manwhore, would find an equivalent for Addison.

Someone behind him saying, "You wonder if we weren't so broken and stupid, maybe we would have had that?" interrupted his thoughts.

"Meredith Grey, the other dirty mistress!"

"Dr. Sloan, I mean it. Don't you think it would have been better if something just became perfect for the dirty mistresses." Mark only nodded, still staring intently at the reunited couple. "I told Derek that he loved her and should forget about me. It was the right thing to do. She needed him and I think I can find someone else."

"I wish you didn't do that."

"I wish I didn't do that too."

"Why did you do it then?" Mark asked, curiously.

"Because remember, we're the dirty mistresses. Self-harming to an almost pathological degree." Meredith responded, remembering one of the first things he had said to her while she was cleaning his wound.

"I wish I didn't love her," Mark sighed audibly.

"Life would be so much easier if I just loved you."

"Go on a date with me?" Mark inquired.

"Why?"

"So we can be each other's rebound, then maybe actually love someone," the man reasoned then smirked.

"Sure," Meredith shrugged, "why not make our lives even more messier."

"Great! Pick you up at after your 6 o'clock appendectomy."

"Okay," Meredith shrugged again and walked away wondering what in the world into which she had gotten herself.

"Are the labs for Addison Montgomery here yet!" Miranda screamed at the man in the path department.

"No, believe me. If I could get rid of you faster, I would," he responded, annoyed.

"Tell them to hurry up, this is important."

"What isn't?"

"Let's put it this way, VIP patient that could have you fired with a snap of her fingers," she tapped her foot and glared at the man as he scooted away to hurry the labs.

"Here they are," the man handed the labs to her, exasperated.

"Finally!" She turned around and stared intently at the charts.

"Surgeons." The man sighed after she left.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no," Miranda shouted at the clipboard, extremely worried because now her friend could choose between two option, she knew that her friend would not choose the right one.

"Miranda? What's wrong?" Addison called to her friend from inside her room. Derek looked at the surgeon apprehensively.

"Everything, Addie, everything. I mean first you just have to get sick, then you're pregnant, then everything is just bonkers."

"Wait, what!" Derek exclaimed.

"Wait, one second." Miranda assumed her Dr. Bailey stoic face and said, "Addison, you have Stage II, uterine cancer which has spread to your cervix and ovaries. In addition, you are seven weeks pregnant. In order to treat your cancer, we must terminate the pregnancy and start chemotherapy or radiation immediately. If the cancer progresses to Stage III, I recommend terminating the pregnancy then doing a complete hysterectomy then an oophorectomy."

Looking up from her speech, Dr. Bailey once again became Miranda, "I am so sorry," she said to a sobbing Callie, an unstable Derek, and an equally stunned Addison.

Addison recovered the fastest, "Or"

"Or what," Miranda responded while fiddling with the clipboard.

"Or, the next option. There is one more option."

"No there isn't," Miranda persisted.

"Go back to Dr. Bailey," Addison commanded.

"There is a greater chance of miscarriage, harming both mother and child, and death."

"Damn it, Say the other option." Addison shouted, nearly hysterical now.

"The other option is to leave the cancer untreated with a high risk of it spreading so that you can carry the baby to term. You would be required to sign an AMA form. We may be able to prevent the cancer from spreading, but not for long, using hormone therapy. Side effects include swelling, weight gain, and tenderness in the breasts. Please Addison, terminate the pregnancy. It is Stage II and uterine cancer progresses quickly, we won't be able to treat it if we allow it to progress too much further." The hurt in Miranda's eyes was evident so much that even such a strong woman as she shed tears.

**End of Chapter 3**

_I hope you all liked that! Lets see, Addek are back! YAY! Mark are Meredith- I kinda like the ring of it. Anyone have any thoughts? Was the pregnancy a little awkwardly placed. I liked it, but maybe Addison succumbed too quickly to Derek's advances?_

_Anywho, Review, reviews, reviews!_

_~Love, _

_Shannon!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Well, this chapter will focus and Addie and Derek. I hope you all enjoy. _

**Chapter 4**

"Derek, we're pregnant! Did you hear, we're pregnant," Addison looked so hopeful and wide-eyed.

"Addie, you have stage 2 uterine cancer that spread to your cervix and ovaries."

"Yes, but we're pregnant."

The expression in his eyes was so full of pain, "I know, Addie, the baby might kill you. I can't live without you."

"I can't live knowing I killed our baby. I already aborted a child because it wasn't the right time, I can't do it again."

"There can be more babies if you had chemotherapy."

"Yes, but I want this child. You think I don't know it could kill me. I am a double board certified neonatal surgeon and the best in her field. "

"Addie, what about the higher risk of miscarriage. This pregnancy will be for nothing if both you and the child can't survive."

"What about the chance of survival to full-term?"

"Addie! I love you. What would I do when we have a child with beautiful red hair and mesmerizing eyes just like yours and you aren't there with me? I need you. This child needs you too. He or she can't live with just you or me." He pleaded to the love of his life, "I need you."

"You haven't needed me for almost three years now. What makes you need me now?" Addie asked bitterly.

For the first time in a long time, he was at a loss for words but then he summed up his courage, "I love you. I'm so sorry I haven't been there, but I promise I'm here now. I promise I will be there."

"Go back to the slutty intern," She sat up abruptly pushed him off the bed and pointed to the door, "I'll do this with or without you." Suddenly her abdomen pounded like crazy and made her so nauseous. Her body arched backward and then she let out a whimper, then a groan. Now, she completely regretted the sudden movement. Callie and Miranda rushed to help but Derek was at her side immediately, holding her while she cried in pain and making sure to put his hand on her tender stomach as if to protect her and the baby.

"I'll," he paused, "I will be there through everything. Even though you might be Satan, you still are the love of my life; I will never ever stop loving you. Try not to die, for me. If not for me, do if for our baby."

Awkwardly, the general surgeon and the orthopedic surgeon slinked out of the room to give the couple space.

Once again, Addison buried her face into his chest and tried to breathe and slow her heart rate. He smelled like ferryboats and the Acqua Di Gio cologne by Giorgio Armani she once bought him for their third anniversary. "You're wearing Acqua Di Gio." She said, her voice muffled through the fabric of his shirt.

"Well, you're wearing Miss Dior."

"I always wear Miss Dior; it's my favorite. Remember how happy we were when we gave these to each other?"

"We'll get there again," Derek mused as he thought of that day.

**Flashback**

It was December 26th in New York when everything was magical, snowy, and a winter wonderland. That day, Addison had performed her first solo hysterectomy. Once she had finished, she ran out of the OR sobbing into Derek's arms, crying tears of happiness for the successful surgery and tears of despair for the action she just executed. In the scrub room, Addison bawled and between sniffles apologized, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is hell of a way to spend our anniversary."

"Shh. It's okay. I love you," Derek whispered into her ear.

"I've ruined Christmas Day; it's supposed to be our holiday," now the mascara was running down her face making canals of black.

"Christmas isn't over yet."

"I've ruined everything. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, Addie." He looked into her glassy eyes. "It's eleven o'clock, Christmas Day isn't over yet." Deftly, he brushed the tears away from her face and held her hand, "Let's go."

"But, I'm wearing scrubs and it is freezing outside," The girly-girl part of Addison was shining through as she whined.

"You'll be fine. Let's go." She giggled as he pulled her through the scrub room doors and kissed her gently.

"Wait, give me ten minutes. I need to go to the locker rooms." Derek sighed dramatically. "Come on Der. At least let me get my coat and wipe this black stuff off my face. I'll be quick"

"Fine, but you look beautiful already," it was comments like those that let her know she married the perfect guy and had the perfect life.

Inside the locker rooms, Addison was frantically searching for the neatly wrapped gift, "Come on, where are you? Ugh. I put you here somewhere... Finally! AHA!" Talking to inanimate objects was a bad habit she had developed when her stuffed animals were her only friends in her childhood. She changed into her Louboutin boots and Burberry trench coat then slid the gift into the pocket inside her beautiful coat. It was the perfect gift and she knew it.

"Addie?" She heard Derek call from outside the locker rooms, "It has been 15 minutes."

"I'm coming!" She showed up in front of him and twirled.

"There's my girl," Derek laughed and kissed her passionately. After a couple seconds, he stopped and smirked saying, "The good part comes later."

She examined him carefully, "It's a little too late for sexual rendezvouses in the cold."

"Put on the blindfold." He said, after laughing, "And for your information, it's never too cold or too late for sexual rendezvous.

"No, I don't do blindfolds." She challenged, not wanting to be surprised.

"Do you trust me?" He quoted Aladdin from the Disney movie.

Like Jasmine, Addison hesitated, then responded, "Yes"

"Then put on the blindfold. I promise you'll look equally stunning."

They walked hand-in-hand across the street to Central Park and stood in front of the giant Christmas tree. Because of the lateness of the hour, they were the only ones there.

"Take off the blindfold and open your eyes," Derek urged.

In front of the dazzling green and red Christmas tree was a little table, candles and all, set up for two.

"Wow, " Addison started tearing up, "Oh my god, Derek, I love you."

"I love you too, but the best is yet to come." She looked at him perplexed, wondering what more Derek could do to make this evening more perfect.

"There is no way I am undressing in this weather out here."

"Not everything is about sex Addie, though that will come," he smirked, then clapped.

Suddenly, everything around them lit up, the trees and the bushes became golden, the sounds of the waterfalls turned on, and a orchestra started playing.

"Hello, My name is Mark and I will be your server tonight," Their old friend introduced them to their table and opened a bottle of champagne.

"Oh My Goodness Derek," Addison started laughing at Mark's waiter outfit, then thought of the pumpkin he wore to Halloween the year before. Slowly, Derek and Mark both joined in and they only stopped when their stomachs were hurting and tears of joy leaked out of their eyes.

"Ehm," Mark was the first to recover. "This is a fresh minestrone soup and sourdough bread. Enjoy."

"Derek, this is perfect. I love you so much."

Derek stood up and presented a little crimson colored box, "Addie, Happy Anniversary."

Inside the little box was a Miss Dior perfume unopened from the first batch ever created in 1947 and another Miss Dior from this year customized with the words, "Addison, I'll love you for eternity. This is forever. Happy Third Anniversary."

Addison stood up slowly and with tears in her eyes flung herself at an unsuspecting Derek. They fell into the snow together and started kissing, "I love you so much Derek Shepherd. I can't believe I got this lucky. I don't deserve you."

"I love you more Addie. I don't deserve you." She curled up against his chest and stayed there, feeling his warm embrace.

"Now, I believe it's time for the happy wife to give the deserving husband a gift," Derek said, wanting to break the silence. But Addison started tearing up again. "Hey, what's wrong? Come on Addie, look at me."

"My gift is so much less perfect. I am way too embarrassed to give it to you."

"Addie, whatever that gift is, I'll love it anyway. I'll love anything from you."

"Geez, I don't know how I got so emotional. I really hope you like the gift even though I know you'll love anything, I want it to be perfect and it's not." She pulled out the little box with the Giorgio Armani cologne inside and a little card that said, "Derek Shepherd / In med school I was the nerd / yet you still looked at me like I was beauty / so when you asked about my availability / what else could I say but yes to such a beau / I love you"

"Addie, you don't get to decide whether it is perfect. I do. And I decide that it is more perfect than the perfectest thing in the world. But in conclusion, we both fail at writing poems and songs. Remember that song I sung for our wedding day?" They both burst out laughing again.

"Addison Montgomery, I met her in the summer-y"

"I never used summery as a noun. I met her in the summer, **she"**

**"**Oh! She! Really?

"She was cutting up a very dead body, but in her eyes I saw my life I knew that she would be my wife, and she would bring the life back into me, for everyday until eternity or until I'll be as dead as that body. I love you, Addison Montgomery"

"Nothing is more perfect than today."

**End Flashback**

Looking down at the red-haired girl in his arms, he realized how wrong he was. How could he ever doubt her, ever leave her hurt and alone, ever leave in the first place. She was tearing up, thinking about how much they had loved each other.

Quietly he began singing, "Addison Montgomery."

He took a breath, ready to sing the next line when Addison broke in shakily, "I met her in the summer, she"

Together they were in harmony, "She was cutting up a very dead body, but in her eyes I saw my life I knew that she would be my wife, and she would bring the life back into me, for everyday until eternity or until I'll be as dead as that body."

They broke out into laughter, "I love you," they said simultaneously then kissed.

"Please don't ever die. I can't live without you," Derek whispered back unevenly to hide the sadness and desperation he felt.

**End of Chapter 4**

_Did you all like the flashback? I'm thinking of doing more of those in regards to the miscarriage I briefly mention and the abortion and more Addek. _

_Reviews. _

_Reviews._

_Reviews._

_XOXO, _

_Shannon_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey guys! I'm back with a new installment. I hope you all like it!_

_**Chapter 5**_

"Addie, I know we lost a baby, but this baby," he motioned towards her stomach "It needs you. What type of father will I be downing scotch and soda every night after losing you?

"You won't lose me. I don't intend of leaving anytime soon," Addison declared fiercely, "I need this baby too. What is the point of me being alive without this baby. I'm almost forty, nearing the menopausing years." She paused to catch a breath then whispered, "We already lost Carson. I already gave up Emma. I can't go through losing another baby." She teared up and fell into Derek's chest, "I can't go through losing another person I love."

"Addie, I can't lose you. Remember, everyday until eternity? I can't lose you." He cradles her body, both husband and wife entangled together, looking as if there were no tomorrow.

"I wish Carson were here. I wish he were here." Addison cried into Derek's already soiled shirt.

**Flashback**

"Some name that is okay for both girl and boy. Something beautiful and elegant. Something that goes well with Shepherd." Addison went on with her description of the perfect name.

"Carson," she tasted the name on her tongue. "Carson!" she shouted excitedly. It's perfect."

"Carson is perfect Addie. I get to pick the middle name."

"Mm. Okay. I have to approve though."

"Alright. So, for a boy," Derek kissed her stomach, "Carson Daniel Shepherd." He kissed Addison on her cheeks, "for a girl, Carson Andrea Shepherd."

They cuddled together, entangled in each others arms, "That's perfect. Now let's go find out the sex of the baby!" Addison exclaimed excitedly.

"Tomorrow, maybe. You need to rest."

"Der. Stop treating me like glass. You haven't left my side in like two days. I want to go back to work," Addison whined.

"Addie. Nancy told me to keep you here for the next week. Just to make sure to be there to protect you and to be there to catch you just in case you faint again."

"Since when do you listen to your sister?"

"Since it is about keeping you safe. I love you more than anything in the world."

"Derek, I'm fine. I promise I'm fine." She put her hand on her stomach, "We're fine."

"I love you," he drew her into his lap, "You're perfect and precious, and I get to protect you and catch you." He kissed her stomach.

"I'm not glass. I'm not fragile. I'm not going to shatter. I promise."

"I know. I just want to be there for you."

"I'm going to be fine. It's just anemia," she said tiredly.

"Let's go to sleep. We'll talk about it tomorrow," Derek told Addison, seeing her obvious lack of energy.

"Mmmm. Okay. I love you," she mumbled, quickly falling asleep.

"I love you too," Derek sighed. His brow furrowed in worry as he stroked the crimson hair on his pillow. For the past two days, Addison had been leaning on him more and more. He was okay with it, he just was afraid he would lose her. She only had anemia and he had been giving her iron tablets, but they didn't seem to be working. When she walked, he felt as though she would fall. What scared him more is that when he wraps his arm around her waist to support her, she doesn't fight it. He pulled her sleeping body inot his embrace and kissed her head, "I love you Addie."

-A Month Later—

They walked into the hospital hand in hand in the middle of the night.

"Finally! You guys are back! Wait. It's midnight." Mark suddenly stated alarmed, "Addie? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He still looked at her skeptically.

"She finally managed to convince me to take her back to work. We're on a shift until 10AM.

"Awesome. It's quiet now because it is midnight. I'll sit with you guys in the lounge.

That day was September eleventh. The day they had lost their child. The day heir world fell apart. The day the twin towers that stood so resolute and so united fell. Maybe this was the day that cracks first appeared in their marriage.

"Trauma paged me." Mark said at 8:00AM.

"And me," Derek called.

"And me," Addison added, "Let's go."

Together they were sent to triage the site at the Twin Towers.

"Addison!" Derek shouted across the street filled with debris. He saw his wife keeling over and shaking. They were part of the first medical teams outside. He had tried to persuade Addison not to go, citing the fumes as bad for her health. She persisted, saying that they would need a neonatal surgeon. Now, he wished that he had tried harder. The sight was horrifying: death wreaked, fear took over the people, and the towers ominously dictated the fate of so many above them.

"Addie," he hurried to her side, "Hey, are you okay?"

"Baby," she pointed at the floor. There was a small body covered in blood and bent in all different directions, "Derek?"

He stood there stunned, "Addie, It's okay," he reached for her shoulders and turns her away from the site into his embrace, "Let's go." She's crying now, thinking of their baby, Carson.

"Addison! Derek!" They hear someone call behind them, "Run!" They don't know what happened so they stood stunned like dear in headlights.

"Guys! Move!" It was Mark, their best friend. Derek looked up to see a piece of building falling on top of them. He pushed Addison out of harms way, not quick enough to escape himself. Mark ran and pushed Derek out of the way. They all lay on the floor panting and freaking out.

"Addison, Are you okay?" Derek asked.

"I think so," He crawled next to her and Mark moved to her other side. "Derek, if that ever happens again, don't you dare save me if you can't be saved!" she cried into his shirt.

"Guys, let's get out of here. Find a victim then get onto an ambulance back." Mark stated, looking at the couple.

"Okay, good idea Mark. You go first," Derek urged Mark.

"Addie," his wife was clinging to his shirt, "Can you stand up?" His eyes were full of worry for her and for their baby.

"I think so," Derek stood up and put his hand behind her back, slowly she stood up leaning on him.

"Ow," she breathed in sharply and her hand flew to her stomach, "Der. It hurts."

"Mark!" Derek called after their retreating friend, "Get and ambulance here," he whispered to his wife, "I got you. You're okay"

His wife whimpered in his arms; he was carrying her wedding style," I think something's wrong with Carson," She yelped in pain, "Derek, something's definitely wrong with Carson." He kissed her forehead.

"Everything's going to be fine."

"Derek, blood." She gasped for air. The color in her face completely drained from her face, "Derek."

He felt the sticky warmness on his hand, "No, no, no, no, no! Addison!" she had fainted.

"Shepherd!" The paramedic called to him, "Get in Here! You are going to have to hold her in your lap. I have a burn victim with Sloan in here.

"Jones, Thank you. Give me the oxygen!"

"Derek, what happened?"

"She fainted. Blood. Barely breathing." He quickly recited, "Come on Addie! You are not allowed to give up. I love you," Her breathing finally steadied so Derek directed his attention to Mark, "Call Nancy. Tell her to open an OR now and wait for us. Nothing is allowed to bump this OR. I don't care if the patient is this close," he gestured with his index finder and thumb, "to death."

-hospital—

"Derek! How could you let her go triage? You knew that she could be hurt. How could you? You both took the past month off because of fear for the baby. Derek, you are such an idiot," Nancy screamed at his brother.

"I know, I know. Please save Addison." He begged his sister, tears flowing freely from his face, "Please save Addie," he buried his face into his hands and slid down the wall. "Please save Addie."

"Derek," Mark sat down next to his friend in front of the OR, "It's not your fault. You can't always protect her."

"I'm supposed to. I AM SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER AND SAVE MY WIFE AND MY BABY. It is my damn job!" He screamed at his friend in frustration. "It is all my fault. I could have convinced her to stay. I didn't have to push her so hard out of the way of that damn piece of building. I could have made her stay home."

"Derek, It is not your fault. Addie will be okay."

"Then what about Carson? What about our baby? She or he probably just lost their life."

"Addie entered pre-term labor. It is not your fault."

"Yes, it is."

After that day, Addison refused to ever speak of Carson, let alone another baby of their own, ever again. Derek threw himself further and further into work. When they both needed each other the most. They failed to be there.

**End Flashback**

"She would be five this year," Derek broke the silence, "Addie, we fell apart because we couldn't be there for each other. Let me be there."

She sighed, "You weren't home," Hiccupping, she tearfully stated, "You weren't home on Carson's due date."

"I am sorry. I am do sorry," he hugged her, trying to calm her angry sobs with no avail.

"Mark walked in on my downing narcotics and alcohol."

Derek closed his eyes, terrified to think of what happened, "Addie, you don't have to tell me."

"Yes, I do," she took a deep breath, "He had to crack my chest to resuscitate. He carried me to his car and drove at 120mph to the hospital." Sighing, she recalled, "Remember when I went to Connecticut to visit some old friends without you?"

"Yes, I had a spinal surgery that week for a little girl."

"Well, I was twenty feet away in ICU." She stated bitterly.

"Why didn't anyone tell me? Why didn't Mark tell me?" Derek asked, processing the information.

"We barely talked after Carson. You never noticed, I was way to proud to tell you. I made Mark swear not to tell you and all my labs were Jane Doe. I couldn't tell you."

"I would have dropped anything for you. I loved you. I still love you." He said earnestly.

"I needed you." She buried her face into his shirt, "I am so sorry."

"For what?" Derek asked, rubbing her back.

"For Mark, for Carson, for everything."

"I forgive you. But nothing was your fault Addie. Carson was not your fault," he hugged her against his chest.

"But, if I had just listened to you that day."

Derek interrupted her, "Addie. Nothing was your fault. Look at me," he lifted he chin with his pointed finger, "Carson was not your fault, okay?" He kissed her forehead, "I'm sorry for not being there."

"Der, I can't lose this baby. I just can't."

"I promise I will be there. I can't lose you again."

"No. If it comes down to mother or baby, you will choose baby."

"Addison," Derek begged.

"You will choose baby," she reiterated firmly.

"Both you and baby shepherd will be fine."

"Promise me, Derek. Promise me."

"Addie… No." He said softly, "Please no."

She hated seeing him in so much pain, she felt it too, but she had to make sure this baby lived, "Derek, remember what happened to us? I need a baby. I can't lose this baby."

"Addie, Please don't make me chose between two people I love. I want to pick you. Addie, I need to pick you."

"I am begging you Derek. Pick our baby."

"Addie," he wiped a tear from her glassy eyes, "Fine. I love you. Try not to die, please," he used the back of his hands to wipe his eyes, "Please... Please try not to die."

"We'll be okay, Der," She felt the arms around her tighten and tremble and she ran her fingers through her husband's silky hair, "I love you. We'll be okay."

**End of Chapter 5**

_I hope you all liked that. Any reviews will be appreciated. I love constructive criticism._

_I have a few question for you all:_

_ 1. Do you guys like how the characters in this story are written? If not, explain?_

_ 2. Are the flashbacks working? If not, explain?_

_ 3. Baby names! Any suggestions? I love Christopher, Ella, Emma, Carson, Andrea, Daniel... But, those are all pretty widely used. I think I'm not too creative. I tend to always go with Christopher and Emma for Addek children. _

_ 4. I have some other stuff written on the flashback from this chapter. I was wondering if I should make a flashback story. Like something that tells the whole story of Addie and Derek first starting with finding out about the baby to losing Carson to the aftermath of losing Carson. Should I do it?_

_Once again, I love constructive criticism!_

_Thanks so much. That's it!_

_Love, _

_Shannon_


	6. Chapter 6

_So, I recommend you guys read Gone With the Wind for one reference in here. Of course, it still isn't a prerequisite, it just might be fun. This is kinda fluff. I liked it after reading it but if you guys have any suggestions on how to further their relationship, comment away. _

_**Chapter 6**_

"Remember the last time I did this for you guys?" Richard asked. Of course they remembered. Now, the times seemed so different. They were young and happy and everything was okay. Now, they seemed a hundred years older and everything was far from okay. Yet, they were grateful because even after all that, they were finally together again.

"Richard, how could we not?" Derek sighed and Addison choked back tears

"I am so sorry. I am so sorry," their old friend stood up and patted Addison on the back, which only seemed to make her cry more. Even after five years, it still hurt in the same way.

"Richard, it's okay. Honestly, it was a long time ago anyways," Addison put on her brave face and wiped away her tears, "This time you are not allowed to keep me on a leave of absence. I will work when I feel like working." The tears were threatening to leak out of her eyes.

"Okay," he complied, "The neonatal department is all yours. You are still my star, okay?" he leaned down to hug her.

"Okay," she whispered, "okay." She felt Derek's hand behind her back, trying to soothe her angry sobs with no avail.

"Richard, we'll get back to you later," Derek urged his friend to leave the room so he could comfort his wife.

"Addie, breathe. Okay? Breathe."

"I am breathing," she pushed his hand away, "I am breathing," she sighed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay. I just want to go home Derek, I just want to got home." She sighed again, exasperated.

"Okay, we'll go home."

She looked at him sadly, "We're no where near home," she said coldly.

"Let's go home then." He looked back at her reassuringly.

"Are you sure?" she asked, "I don't know where home is, Derek."

"Addie, you are my home. I'll go anywhere you are," he looked at her lovingly, "Remember, home is where the heart is; I gave you the key to my heart ages ago."

"Then you took it back. I was lost for the longest time. I am lost. I still don't know where home is," she said bitterly.

"Addie, I love you. We're back remember? This is home."

"Der, are you finally back? Is my Derek finally back?" she asked cynically.

"I'm back, I promise," she still looked at him skeptically but he smiled his Addison smile and she knew, "Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery," he paused, "Shepherd. I love you."

"I missed you. Der, I didn't like McDreamy. I really really didn't like him," she wrapped her arms around his head and drew him into a kiss.

=LATER=

Lying down by the hospital bed in the uncomfortable sofa chair, Derek read a medical journal. Suddenly, he piped up, "What about Melody? We need some beauty and hope in our lives."

"We're not doing names this time around," She looked up from book she was reading and lowered her reading glasses.

"Come on Addie," he put the journal down and smiled, "What about Allison?"

"You don't even want a girl, why are you suggesting girl names?" his wife asked skeptically.

"Because," he stood up and walked closer to her bed, "you want a girl and I want whatever you want. Besides, I'm going to be a daddy."

His words struck tears into her eyes, remembering the hope they had when Carson was conceived. "We're not doing names this time around," she whispered, "I don't think I can handle names."

"Addie," he whined then turned serious, finally realizing the cause of her distress, "Nothing is going to happen to our baby. I promised you, remember?"

"We aren't discussing this now," she looked away from him and hid behind her novel. Sighing, Derek crawled onto the bed; careful to avoid sitting on her legs, and slowly peeked at her from above the book.

Playfully, he dragged the book down and said, "Peek-a-boo." She looked up at him and cracked a small smile behind her veil of tears. He saw the sadness behind her look but chose to ignore it. Instead, he carefully took off her glasses and put the book on her bedside table. While fingering a lock of her brilliant red hair, he wiped off the tears that streaked down her face and leaned in to kiss her; she kissed back and smiled softly.

Wickedly, he started grinning and tickled her like they used to in medical school. "Derek, Stop it. Stop it," she laughed and giggled.

Suddenly, she gasped and breathed in sharply. "Addie, are you okay?" he ceased tickling immediately. Worriedly, he pulled his wife into his embrace. She whimpered again, "Addie, I am so sorry." He covered her stomach protectively with his hand.

"It's okay. It's okay," she murmured between struggled gasps of air, "I'm okay. It's not your fault." Intertwining her fingers in his, she smiled weakly and slowly turned toward him and buried her face into the crook of his neck, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," he stroked her red hair.

"No, you don't get it. I missed you," she lifted herself up poked his chest, "I missed my Derek Christopher Shepherd. I missed you so much." She fell onto him again, "How could you stop noticing me? How could you take away the key? I still don't understand."

"Addie, I am so sorry." He was at a loss for words, "I don't know how I could ever let you go before."

"Well, you did." She retorted, "I just really want to know why. Was it something I did because I really needed you and you weren't there," she finally admitted to her husband.

"No, It's not your fault." He sought her eyes, "It's not your fault, okay. It's my fault. I am so sorry." He looked away from her, not wanting to let her see him in pain, "I should have protected you. I could have protected you. I shouldn't have been convinced to come to work. It is my job to keep you safe. I just couldn't believe that I let it happen; everything was my responsibility. Afterward, seeing you at home that broken and that sad, it made me so angry at myself; I thought you were angry at me too because you kept pushing me away. Work was the only thing I could deal with; I couldn't look at the nursery we decorated without punching a wall, I couldn't even go to the peds floor so I asked all my children patients to visit the surgical floor. I just am so sorry."

Quietly, Addison whispered, "I couldn't operate for almost a year. Derek, I couldn't do what I love best because what we lost it what I do."

"Addie," he wiped a tear from her face, "I am so sorry. I failed you both."

"It's not your fault either Derek. Things happen." She said sadly.

"It broke us though. What should have made us stronger broke us. I can't believe I let the best thing in my life go." Derek looked down at the white comforters on the drab hospital bed.

"Der, I can't believe I pushed away the best thing in my life; If I had just let you be there for me, we could of gotten through. I'm sorry Der. I thought it was my fault; I thought you blamed it on me because you stopped looking at me, you stopped being there; I couldn't find home for five years," she looked away again and choked out, "I am so sorry about Mark. He didn't just happen; he was there, he was like a hotel; I couldn't afford to stand in the rain any longer. Mark never meant to hurt you."

Derek's face looked pained at the mention of his old friend's name. Sadly he thanked his friend for being there when he wasn't, "Addie, I forgive you and Mark. I guess I owe him so much for being there for you. I am so sorry I wasn't. I'm sorry I just walked out."

"Stop apologizing Derek. We're back; Addie and Derek are back," she cracked a small smile.

"We are back, aren't we?" He returned smile gratefully and leaned in to kiss her.

**End of Chapter**

****_DId you guys enjoy that? I thought it was quite nice if I do say so myself, but I feel as though I am missing something. Help me figure it out?_

_Reviews are awesome!_

_Love, _

_Shannon_


	7. Chapter 7

_SO guys, sorry about the long time it took me to update. I hope there are no pickaxes directed at me. Here goes. I hope you guys like it!_

**Chapter 7**

"Hey Dr. Grey," Mark flirted shamelessly in the scrub room.

"Dr. Sloan," she smiled then continued to scrub out of the surgery.

"So," he smirked, "Dinner?"

"We don't need to do the thing you know?" she stared intently at her hands.

"What thing?" he stood behind her and whispered into her ear seductively.

"You know," she flinched at his touch, " the pretending to care and the expensive wines and the dinner, " she proceeded to dry her hands, "Just sex is good for me."

"What's the fun in that," he smirked, "absolutely no challenge." He liked his lips, "I like a challenge. Sex is dessert; the wait makes it even more worth it."

"Why can't sex be the appetizers, entre, and dessert?" Meredith whined then covered her mouth with her hands, realizing what she had just said to her attending. He only laughed at her flushed face.

"I like the way you think. But, we're doing the thing. Besides, you look cute when you're embarrassed." He put his hand on the small of her back, "Let's go to dinner, then we can talk about dessert." He smirked then started to steer her out.

"I'm in scrubs," she screamed indigantly.

"It's okay. They're easier to take off."

"Mark!"

"Meredith, I didn't know we were on a first-name bases," he joked.

"We're not. I am going to change. Wait here."

"I look forward to it," He grinned.

In the five minute she changed, he managed to put on a crisp suit and bring a bouquet of roses. He whistled when she came out, "You look beautiful tonight."

She smiled and allowed him to take her arm in his, "Let's go to dinner."

"Okay," he led her to his silver Mercedes Benz and genteelly opened the door, "Put this on," he handed her a blindfold.

"Why?" she asked.

"Just because," he smiled encouragingly.

"Fine," she smiled back.

"You're very trusting today," he commented after she fashioned the blindfold.

"I'm giving bright and shiny a chance," she turned her head away.

"You don't have to you know; I'm just as dark and twisty as you are, remember the way we met. And now we're on a date."

"I thought you were McSteamy, not McDreamy. I thought I got rid of dreamy and back to reality."

"You did. He's with Addie. I'm Mark: McSteamy. The dirty mistress who is in love with Addison and you, the other dirty mistress, are in love with Derek."

"I know," she said sadly, "Stop saying dreamy things."

He only laughed again and started the engine. After the car stopped they walked through a bustling restaurant. She felt a cold sting at her once they walked through a door. There was no longer the smell of cooking and people's perfumes, rather there was the smell of fresh air and the aroma of flowers. She felt the warm on more when he draped his arms around her and asked her to take off her blindfold.

"Wow, Mark. It's beautiful out here," she saw a small table set up for two behind one of Seattle's finest restaurants. Next to the delicately set table was a heater that burned bright red and a bottle of champagne, "I'm more of a tequila girl but as long as it is alcohol, I'm not complaining."

Mark laughed, "I prefer scotch on rocks," and like that the two surgeons struck light yet enjoyable conversation throughout the entire dinner. They felt as though the appetizers, steaks, soups, and cheese passed awfully quickly.

"Hold the desserts and check please." Mark told the annoyed waiter, they were the last two in the dimly-lit restaurant. Most of the waiters sat on their own table, looking bored out of their wits.

They walked hand-in-hand out the door to the shiny car, "Let's go get dessert," Meredith implored seductively.

Mark laughed, "I like the way you think."

"Your hotel though, you shouldn't need to do the walk of shame."

He laughed again, "Alright." As a wonderful gentle man, he held out the door to his car and helped her in. They sat in a comfortable silence listening to the radio. Once they reached the hotel elevator, they jumped each other, kissing passionately and molding their arms around each other. The elevator dinged and an old couple walked inl the two lovers stood awkwardly, wiping their mouths discreetly and using their fingers to comb through their disheveled hair. Mark snaked his arms around her waist and started kissing her neck, ignoring the gawking stares of the old couple.

"Mark, stop," she whispered, giggling. The elevator finally dinged again, this time on their floor. Mark picked her up with one swift movement and pushed into his large suite. Without even reaching the bed, their clothes were off and haphazardly strewn around the room. Each screamed the other's name multiple times through the night. Even a manwhore like Mark and a girl like Meredith found that this one night was each other's best of all time.

"Wow," Meredith exclaimed while Mark continued to kiss her naked body.

"Yeah, wow," Mark states, intrigued that this was the best sex ever even Addison didn't come close. Maybe his friend Derek and him really had similar tastes.

"Hey, are you okay?" she had seen the sad expression on his face.

"Yeah, of course," He gave her the signature Sloan smirk, "Want to go again?"

"Of course," she allowed him to remount and they elated each other once again to cloud nine. They both cowered from the sadness that ate each other alive. At least now they had the great sex for momentary relief.

===== **** : **** =======

"Addie?" His wife's face contorted in pain, "Addie," he was at her side immediately and started soothing her pain-laced sobs, "It's okay. Addie, I love you," Her breathing started being shallow and wispy, her heart rate skyrocketed, "Okay Addie," he searched her scared eyes, "I need to you breathe and calm down. You can do it. I need you to breathe." He stroked her back lightly.

"Der, what if it's a molar pregnancy? Remember last time, we were so scared. Remember the odds Nancy gave us. What if our baby dies, " she chocked on the word but continued, "Before we can even hold her? I can't do it." Addison kicked at Derek's firm hold, "It was all my fault. It is all my fault."

"Addie, look at me," she refused to meet his eyes, "Look at me Addie," he raised his voice. Slowly, she lifted her hear, "It's not your fault. I forgive you for Mark. Nothing is your fault," he hugged her tightly, "Sometimes, things just happen and everything is messed up. But, we're together now. We're okay. We'll be okay." She started whimpering again and Derek looked at her worriedly, "Addie, what's wrong?"

"Just hold me like you used to, okay?"

"Okay," he sat behind her on the bed and held her close to his chest. Addison's head rested softly on his heart, letting the rhythm soothe lull her back to sleep. Lightly, he applied pressure on her stomach. Long ago, he learned that when Addison had stomach pains, if he could cradle her like this, she would calm down and her pain level would decrease.

**End of CHapter**

_So, what did you think? I'll be begging for reviews. _

_Love, _

_SHannon_


	8. Chapter 8

_So guys, I'm back with a new installment. I will be updating one more time before my finals(which are in one week, which I should be studying for). haha. Procrastination at it's best. I hope you enjoy the chapter!_

**Chapter 8**

The sun shone into the giant suite in the archfield. The doorbell ding that sounded like the buzz of a pager awoke the two sleeping doctors wrapped around each other's bodies.

"Ugh It's too early for an emergency."

"What happened?" The two doctors awoke, groggy and bothered. Then they smiled thinking of the great sex yesterday night. Then Meredith's smile faltered, "Hey, what's up," Mark asks her.

"Nothing," the doorbell rings again, "Let's go eat. It must be room service."

"Did you wake up with a smile thinking of Derek? And hot sex?" Mark guessed, picking up his towel and walking to the door.

The aroma of sweet honey filled the room. He tipped the man graciously and walked back into the master suite.

Meredith saw the giant pile of blueberry pancakes and screamed in delight, "How'd you know to order blueberry pancakes? They're my favorite."

Mark chuckled, "We talked a lot yesterday night."

"Wait, when did you order them?"

"I have my ways," he smirked and cut a piece of the pancake. "Hey! That's my pancake, don't you touch it!" She crazily got out of the bed.

Mark brought the piece closer to his mouth, "You have to tell me if it's about Derek."

"It's not," she denied, "Fine. You can have my pancake that you ordered for me."

"I only ask," he ate the piece of pancake, "because even though sex with Addison wasn't as great as last night, I woke up missing her," Mark confessed, "I love her."

"I love Derek," Meredith frowned, "We are so screwed up aren't we?" She grabbed the plate away from Mark and started devouring the blue delight.

"We can't have them and I know I loved sex with you; it was amazing." Meredith grunted in reply, "Come on another date with me tomorrow."

"We should tell them what happened and see how the react!"

"You know that Derek is gone from your grasps right? You realize that Addie and Derek are meant for each other."

"Yes, I do."

"Addie and Derek are pregnant. There's no way to get him back. He is back to the Derek he was in med school; head over heels in love," Mark acknowledged both happy for his friends and sad because he lost his only chance at Addison.

"I did the right thing," Meredith looked for confirmation, "I gave him up."

"You did the right thing," Mark sighed, "Date tonight."

"Okay," she sighed too, "Let's tell them; it's about time you spoke to either of them anyways."

"Fine," he replied, dressing up for work and taking the plate away from Meredith's hands.  
==**~*~**==

"Addie, I know you don't want to see an oncologist. But, I hate seeing you like this, in so much pain. Maybe we could visit one, they can keep the pain manageable." Derek coaxed lovingly while holding her close in his embrace.

"No, he or she will try to convince us to abort the baby and it'll be even harder to do this."

"I promise they won't even mention it. Besides weren't you the one that was going crazy not being able to cut?"

"Derek," she sighed, "can we not talk about this. I'm feeling better, you can let go now," she turned away from her husband.

"No, I won't let go. You're still in pain. I refuse to leave," he saw her still clenched fist; her manicured fingernails were digging into her palm. She was breathing shallowly and still shaking slightly.

"Derek, go," she asked quietly, "I'm going to sleep. I'm fine," she turned around again and pecked his lips. Unclenching her hands, she passed it along his face, "you look thinner and your sparkle is missing," she noticed sadly, "Derek, you should go. Not forever, please come back. Just go take a shower and get something to eat. I'll be fine," she forced another smile on her face, suppressing a wince.

"Addie," he too sighed, "You are so much thinner," he pulled her closer toward his body, "Even thinner than last time." He looked into her glassy eyes, "And I am so scared that something will happen to you. Your sparkle is missing too. But, we'll get through this; we'll get our lives back."

"Derek, please," she begged, "Go home. Come back later. I just really need to be alone okay? I'll be fine. I promise."

He stared at the desperate look on her face then sighed, knowing she would need some time alone, "Okay. Please just," his expression was pained, "Call me if you need me okay?"

"Okay, Derek. Go," She urged him, placing another fake smile on her face.

Of course, knowing her for over a third of his life, he noticed, "Addie," he said again.

"Derek. Just go," She yelled, voice cracking.

"I love you," With that he stepped out through the hospital room door.

"O'Malley!" He called to the intern by the nurse's desk.

"Yes sir," the awkward intern stepped forward, dropping the chart he was holding. He fell to his knees and picked the chart up before looking at his superior again.

"I need you to watch Addison okay?" He ran his fingers through his curly hair, "Just, make sure she's okay and talk to her if you want to. Just please," he was begging the intern now, "make sure she's okay."

"Yes sir. I have a question though. Why don't' you do it yourself?"

"Is that the way you talk to your attending O'Malley?" Derek fired back at the cowering intern. His face softened at the look of true worry the intern wore, "She wants to be left alone for a while and she will never forgive me if I go back in. I need you to protect her though. Can you do that?"

"Yes sir," George backed away to the nurse's desk and watched the flustered neurosurgeon pace back and forth before exiting to an elevator.

He stumbled into the elevator and pressed the stop button once the doors closed and sunk to the ground slowly.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked, stunned. She was just about to go look for the neurosurgeon to tell him she still loved him when he walked into her elevator.

"Meredith," he looked up, confused, "Sorry, um, you can go out," he reached to press the stop button again to start he elevator when she stopped him.

"No. Derek, are you okay?" She asked again, concerned for the man she loved.

"Mer," he sighed, finding it weird to open up to an ex-lover, "I'm so scared. You don't know what happened in New York. You don't know what happened on 9/11. I can't go through that again; Addie can't go through that again," he spluttered out, "I love Addison so much. Meredith, I can't lose her," he slid back down the wall and brought his head to his hands.

After hearing his confession, Meredith knew she was in no position to tell him anything. She slid besides him and slowly patted his back, "I know this is really weird. We used to date whatever. But, we can be friends; I can be there for you and Addison," she sighed, "I just wanted to tell you that you will not lose her. You just can't lose her or the baby. I don't want to hate you or Addison; I love you too much to hate you. But, if you don't want to be friends, that's okay. I think it is time you patched things up with Mark; he's a good guy." She paused for an answer but there was none so she continued, "Der, I don't want things to be awkward with us, I don't want to be the intern that can't even look her attending in the eye. You know what is worse than not being with you?" She took a deep breath; exposing her self like this was unusual and she didn't like the feeling, "not being able to talk to you and to know you, okay?"

After her soliloquy, Derek didn't say anything. He just nodded sadly, "I should go home and do some stuff," slowly he stood up again, "why did you just vouch for Mark?" he asked curiously.

"He's just a good guy," she smiled.

"You slept with him didn't you?" he asked, exasperated. He knew the I-Slept-With-Mark face anywhere; he'd seen it so many times.

Like a young child caught stealing a cookie, Meredith quietly divulged, "Yes," she watched Derek sigh, "We went on a date and had sex. I didn't mean to hurt you or anything."

"It's okay. Maybe you'll be able to tame him," he said with a chuckle.

"You've already forgiven him?" Meredith asked, surprised.

"No," Derek answered immediately. He then changed his mind, "Yes, No, Maybe," he sighed. "He was there for Addie when I wasn't. However mad I am at him, I'm grateful. Besides, he's like a brother and my best friend."

"Good. Go home; get stuff done. I need to go before Bailey has my head," Meredith pressed the stop button again.

"Thank you." Derek nodded to her.

"That's what friends are for, right?" She answered surely.

**End of Chapter 8**

****_So, I wanted to make both Meredith and Derek relatively mature and not the childish annoying adults that we saw in the series during season 2. Did you like it? Obviously more drama in the next chapter after this relatively mellow chapter. _

_I live on reviews so please sustain my life source. _

_Love,_

_Shannon. _


	9. Chapter 9

_Hey guys, I wanted to say that this probably will be my last update until Christmas break (two weeks). This was a lot of fun to write. My boring English classes definitely got better. My final grade is going to suffer though. :'(. _

_**Chapter 9**_

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" George O'Malley walked into the hostpital room nervously and checked her chart awkwardly.

"Dr. O'Malley." She sniffled and wiped the tears from her face discreetly, "What brings you to my room?"

"I just wanted to check if you were alright," he answered honestly.

"I'm fine," she said stoically.

"Is there anything I can get for you?"

"Actually, yes. You could go get me a change in pillows. I would do it myself, but every time I move my stomach starts cramping and my back aches," she said quietly, "Sorry if you can't really hear me. Round Ligament Pain is starting pretty early and intensely in comparison to my normal patients, but I should be fine. It's probably because I got pregnant before," she took a shaky breath.

George walked forward to his attending, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, can you get the pillows? The position I'm in right now is really painful."

"Yeah, of course. I'll be right back," he ran to the supply closet and brought an armful of pillows, "So, there's fir, extra firm, soft, and extra soft."

"Extra firm," he dropped the other pillows onto the seat and brought the extra firm pillow to her bedside, "Help me up," she ordered softly.

He put the pillow on her bed and wrapped his arm around her waist; Addison winced at the movement. She motioned for him to bring the pillow and place it behind her. He brought her slowly up closer to him and fluffed the pillow. She whimpered and grasped his coat tightly, suppressing the cried.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Dr. Montgomery Shepherd, you're one of the strongest people I know. So many things are beyond out ability. So many things we can't understand like you got cancer, you got pregnant. But, this is something we can control okay? We can get your baby through to term and we can stop you cancer and we can control the pain, okay?" He held her hand, "We both believe in medicine. We're doctors. I know Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Sloan and this baby wil need you. SO, let's be strong okay? Let's believe in medicine,"

"She laughed softly, unable to roar with laughter; the RPL made her every move painful. "This is an eight. Right now, my pain level is an eight. When Derek holds me, it's a two. You know how much I need hi? I can't do that though. I can't love him so much that I can't live without him,: she started tearing up.

"Yes, you can. He's all yours to love and to cherish."

"Yeah right. I am still second to Meredith," she said disdainfully, "I don't hate her. It's not her fault. It's just that I need him but he's not mine to need or mine to love." I was scary that she revealed her insecurities to an intern that just happened to be a friend of her husband's love interest.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, I expected more of you."

She interrupted him, "Sorry, pregnant, cancer, and in pain here."

He continued, still holding her hand, "I expected you to be more confident in yourself. Do you know how beautiful you are? You are second to no one. I promise you that she has moved on and so has he. Dr. Shepherd was so worried this morning. He loves you. I swear to that."

"Thank you O'Malley."

"George, you can call me George."

"Okay George, you can call me Addison when we're not working."

"Addison, are you okay?" he asked sincerely.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Can you get Derek, I really need him here."

"Of course," quickly he motioned for the nurse to page Derek with "Addison" as the subject. Suddenly, his pager went off, "I have to go. 911 ER. Will you be okay? I paged Derek already."

"Yeah," she smiled, "Go."

"Mark, hi." Meredith bumped into her lover/sex friend/friend. She wasn't sure how to define him just yet.

"Meredith," he smirked, "On-Call Room?"

She ignored him, "Go talk to Addie," Meredith told Mark, "I talked to Derek. He's forgiven you: for Addison and he's okay with it."

"You call her Addie?" Mark inquired.

"No, I just got used to that. Derek was going on and on. He loves her so much; we obviously never had that. I wonder what happened. Mark, what the hell happened in New York?"

"So much happened; it's a long story." Mark answered with a sigh.

"You'll tell me eventually. You should talk to Addison though; maybe it's time to get your friends back. I think they'll need you now."

Mark agreed, "I'll talk to Addie. I want my friends back."

"Good."

"Are we still on for today?" Mark asked.

"Sure. As long as nothing big comes."

He smirked again, "We could always meet up in an on-call room." He walked away, leaving her smiling thinking of the amazing sex last night.

"Addie?" Mark entered the hospital room, "I missed you."

"Mark," she sighed, "go away."

He loved the pale redhead laying sick on the hospital bed, but he was furious at times, "So you leave across the world, get pregnant, get cancer and refuse to abort Derek's baby, endangering your own life. While we could have had this perfect life with a baby, but without even consulting me, you had an abortion. Addie, I love you so much, but what the hell are you doing?"

"Mark, I can't abort this baby. You understand that I have nothing to live for without this baby right? Derek doesn't love me anymore."

"What the fuck Addie. Derek is so in love with you. I know you want Derek's child. Butt, Addie, Derek and I will not have anything to live for without you." He walked closer to her and stroked the red hair lovingly.

"You'll have Christopher or Ella to live for." She placed her hand on top of his, "I need you to let Derek know he can survive without me if I'm gone. He's going to try to die; you have to stop him"

"Addie, we're not talking about this," he said, scared of the conversation about to unfold.

"You love me right?" He nodded, "Then we are talking about this. I love Derek; you knew that before. But, you are still my best friend. I love you too."

"Addie," he sighed, "Red, you can't do that though.

"Do what?" she asked, forcing him to admit the possibility.

"Red. You can't die."

"I might. I already know you won't do something stupid because you're Mark, "he kneeled to the ground besides her bed, gripping her hand like it was already good bye, "Derek is going to do something because he thinks he won't be able to live without me. He needs to live for Ella or Christopher though."

"When did you name it?"

"When I was a little girl dreaming of what I would do. There was always the handsome prince in shining armor marrying the beautiful princess. They would live happily ever after with two children, Ella and Christopher. When I met Derek, I knew he was the prince."

He pulled a chair to the bed and sat down, "Red."

"Mark, in a sense. I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I have two gorgeous men who both love me more than anything in this world: one who would die for me and the other who would live for me. I need you both to live."

He laughed, "To use your metaphor, you are our life source. We're going in circles. This is where we started."

"Mark. Promise me because Derek won't be okay that you will be okay. Promise me that you will stop Derek, that you will move on and push Derek to move on."

"Red," he said, glassy-eyed.

"Promise me Mark because I need you to."

"Red, I promise only if you promise me to try to live and if you see that light at the end of the tunnel, you stay the hell away from it."

"I promise," she said, tears leaking form the corners of her eyes, "I scared Mark."

"Me too, but let's not talk about that."

"Okay," she swallowed, "How's my manwhore doing?" he smield at her sad attempt at humor.

"Being an absolute idiot." He smirked sheepishly.

"Who did you sleep with now?" She asked, exasperated.

"No judgment?"

"No judgment." She affirmed.

"Derek and I have similar tastes."

"Oh my God. Oh my fucking god," she started laughing and cringing at the same time, "Dammit. Ouch."

"Red? Are you okay?" Mark asked worriedly.

"I'm okay: RLP, cramping, all in a day's work. How the hell did you two get together?"

"Well," he started, "we were talking about how if we were smarter or if we were less dark and twisty; maybe we would've had what you and Derek have. Then I asked her out and we went to Alexander's"

"Oh my goodness, you actually took her out? When was the last time you did that?" She asked surprised.

"It's been forever, maybe eight or nine months ago."

"That was me," she realized, stunned.

"I know," he said sadly, then continued, "she actually didn't want to got to a fancy restaurant and do the thing."

"What thing?"

"Dressing up, pretending to care, dinner. She wanted to have sex and I quote, "for appetizers, entre, and dessert,"

Addison laughed softly, "she sounds like your kind of girl."

"She is, I think."

"Mark, listen to me. If you like her that much, don't let Derek get in the way. If he really loves me, he won't give a crap."

"Mer already told Derek. She said that he said she might be able to tame me. Mer said that Derek was so worried about you; she wanted me to come tell you that it happened and to get my friends back," He smiled.

"I can't believe it; Mark the manwhore is falling for someone."

"Don't get too excited, both of us are dark and twisty. It probably won't work out seeing as we're using each other to get over the love of our lives."

"Mark," she said sadly.

"Red, I'm only telling you this as a friend; No one can compete with you."

"Mark," she said covering his hand with hers, "Thank you for being there."

He smiled again, "You're worth it."

"Stop is," she laughed, "Help me up, I need to use the restroom."

"I heard Derek was paged, why don't you wait for him?" he didn't want to break the rules of a fragile friendship.

"Mark," she whined, "I need to pee."

"Fine," he obliged, never being able to resist her. As he wrapped an arm around her waist, she winced for what seemed like the thousand time today, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Continue."

He helped her sit up in the bed and swung her feet over to the side of the bed, "Red? Can you stand?"

"I don't know," she admitted, "Just help me up, okay?"

"Okay," He wrapped her body within his arms and she shakily stood up, "so far, you're good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"How much pain are you in from one to ten?"

She lied, "five" Really the cramping was extreme and she felt faint. Maybe it was around a nine.

They started inching towards the bathroom. Halfway across the room, Derek appeared in the doorway.

"Sorry that took so long, I saw your page like ten minutes after you sent it. Then I ran a red light and the damn policeman took like an eternity questioning me," he looked up and saw Mark and Addison together, wrapped in each other's arms. "Mark, you have ten seconds before I punch you to tell me why your arms are around my wife."

"Addie needs to pee and she can't walk."

"Does that give you the right to be smashed up against her?"

"Derek," Addison sighed, dizzy and short of breath, "Mark as just trying to help."

"Sorry," Mark added.

"I already forgave you. You are still my brother and best friend. I never really said thank you for being there when I wasn't. So," he continued awkwardly, "Thank you."

"Guys?" Addison called softly, swaying unsteadily.

"Addison!" Mark said, "I knew you couldn't wait to go but on my hands, really?" She went limp in his arms.

"Mark, that's blood. That's blood."

**End of Chapter 9**

_So I know you all were a little bit sad about the lack of Addek in these last two chapters. I am really sorry about that; I kind of wanted to explore the dynamic of other characters and how they figure into the story. Also, I wanted to set the platform for a bigger Addie and Derek story than normal. I will be in hiding because of my last couple lines of this story, I can just tell. NOTE: The baby is not necessarily dead if there is bleeding. _

_What did you guys think of this chapter?_

_Love, _

_Shannon_


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